Baby, Family, Infant Loss

The internet doesn’t know my Baby is Gone.

What is the first thing most people do when they wake up?

Check their Facebook? See if they have any new followers on Twitter? Maybe even checking your text messages/ emails?

Well, according to a survey from the consulting firm Deloitte, it shows that 43 percent of consumers check their phones within five minutes of waking up, and 17 percent check them immediately.

Now, as most new mothers (especially those born into the online parenting era) know, the internet is FULL of motherly newsletters to subscribe to, baby coupon subscription, and now, even a tracker that emails you the status of how your baby is growing/ the milestones they should be hitting.

But what happens when the unexpected happens?

Every morning, I wake up, and have new coupons from a brand like Huggies… for my son, who is no longer here.

I go on Facebook, and at the top of my feed, what is that there?

Oh… it’s my son’s first ultrasound. (below, Hello, little guy!)

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The list goes on and on… and on… AND ON.

The internet doesn’t know my baby is gone. The internet doesn’t care. The internet doesn’t know how hard I strive for perfection, in my life and in parenting, but my son still was a victim of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Everyday I deal with the struggle of reliving that terrible morning, seeing the flashbacks of my beautiful boy, already gone. Things no 22 year old should see, especially, or ANY parent for that matter.

As a Social Media Coordinator, public relations student, and a self-proclaimed connoisseur of social media, it is difficult seeing all of this, and I feel like I can’t escape.

Sometimes, I feel like I really just need a hug. Sometimes, I really just need an “everything will be okay”… although, in reality… it is anything but.

So internet, social media, email lists, newsletters, and all other baby-related spam I get on the daily, I do not want to unsubscribe to you all one by one. I don’t even know where to start…

I think it would feel like I’m deleting him……

I guess today is just another day, where I wake up, and get reminded of the best thing that has ever happened to me.

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I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as I’m living, My baby you’ll be.

Rest Easy Baby Markie & please blow a kiss to ALL of our Angel Babies!

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3 thoughts on “The internet doesn’t know my Baby is Gone.”

  1. You are such an AMAZING woman who married a WONDERFUL man, and together you lived through the most devastating life experience imaginable, yet the dignity, grace, and love that you both exude, continue to inspire your father and I to be the best human beings we can be. Thank you for showing us how to be loving, selfless, compassionate people who no matter what life throws at us, remain faithful to our LORD and SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST. Thank you LORD for loving us through the pain and showing us how much you do!! We love you Mr. & Mrs. Sami and Marcus Montanez, and we appreciate the opportunity you have given us to love unconditionally “Marcus Gordon Montanez” the Angel that came to visit us.💋

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your baby boy. He looks simply precious. I know your grief. I found my adult son dead in his bed on April 18, 2016. He died from a previously unknown heart problem. May the Lord, as only He can, comfort your breaking heart.

    Liked by 1 person

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