Baby, child loss, Faith, Family, grief, Infant Loss, SIDS

After Every Storm Comes a Rainbow

Okay, so hey, y’all!! Guess, who’s back?? (Hint, it’s me!!)

It has been quite some time since I have sat down and written a blog for SIDS Sucks…

I didn’t know really what to say. I graduated college this past December, traveled all around the United States and outside of the country to Spain & Portugal, and overall, have been busy living life. At 24, I have already realized that the older you get, the faster time really does fly by. You blink and almost a year has gone by.

I didn’t mean to leave you guys hanging, but honestly, I had absolutely no idea what to talk about. I felt I had come to a wall on my blog. I didn’t really want to cry to the world about our loss. It wasn’t that I don’t still miss Markie, because I obviously will until the day I leave this Earth to go join him in Heaven. I felt weak. Almost trapped by the name of my blog. I felt that I had to ONLY talk about SIDS related things, since I did name the blog SIDS Sucks.

I now realize that is not true, AT ALL. I want to continue sharing my journey with y’all, and my journey will always revolve around experiencing the impact of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome… and it, well… sucking.

I have received so much positive feedback from so many people all and that truly has helped me get through many of the tough times. Knowing that things do get better, and hearing that from others who have lived through my pain, is truly inspirational. We are a special group of people who were given the unwanted and difficult task of being Angel Parents.

But enough about the negative. From now on, I am going to use this blog to talk about what I want to talk about: my experiences, my strength, my journey. Although my sweet little angel is in Heaven, my story is NOT over.

In May, my husband and I found out the best news ever. After almost a year and half after losing our son, we are FINALLY expecting our rainbow baby!!

I just hit the 15 week mark today and I could not be happier. The amount of emotion flowing through me these past ten weeks that I have known has kept me from writing and sharing this with the blog world.

Worry and doubt about the baby’s well-being consumed me from the second I found out. Now that I am out of my first trimester, I feel SO much better. Like a huge weight is off my chest. Being pregnant after loss has got to be one of the most anxiety inducing things anyone in my position could ever experience.

Although we are not even halfway there, I feel comfortable. I feel like this time is going to be different. I feel like this baby, our rainbow baby, is truly a blessing from above. Last pregnancy I cared so much about what the sex was going to be, yet this time, I could care less. Boy or girl, I just want to be able to see this child grow up and become the man or woman they are meant to be. I can’t wait to spend every moment with this precious child. I can’t wait to be sleep deprived. I can’t wait for the chance to get peed on and the chance to change all of those smelly, dirty diapers. I can’t wait for bath time. I can’t wait to sing to you, read to you, play with you and watch you while you sleep. The things most parents don’t neccessarily think twice about, I can’t wait to experience again.

So please, pray for our growing family as we continue on through this pregnancy. I will keep y’all updated as time goes on and cannot wait to share how my rainbow pregnancy goes!

I would love to hear how all of my Angel Mommies experiences went with their rainbow pregnancy. We are all in this together. Feel free to leave me a comment or email me on my contact page.

XOXO, Sami





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