Baby, Family, Infant Loss

The Results are in

img_6587Yesterday, my husband, Marcus, finally got the call from the coroner. Markie’s autopsy was done and his blood work results had finally come back from the lab.

Not that there was ever a doubt in my mind that this was my fault, but there was.

“What if I rolled on him?” “What if it was too cold… or too hot?” “What if a blanket fell on his face even for a brief moment?”

So many “what if’s”… now, I finally have an answer.

I don’t know if finding out that Markie aspirated made me feel any better, but knowing now, that my baby didn’t feel a thing, he passed so quickly and gracefully… that… that I can find comfort in.

God has blessed me so much in my short time on this earth, but He has also taken much away. I lost my grandmother, my mother, my stepfather, and Markie, all within a span of three years.

Thank the Lord, the Bible has a great example of this exact, give and take, type of scenario for me to learn from.

Many have heard the story of Job. Job was a wealthy man. He had it all. Land, livestock, children, servants, everything. One day Satan stops by Heaven to argue that the only reason Job is such an obedient follower, is because he hasn’t had an trials or tribulations.

God grants Satan the permission to test Job, but he cannot take Job’s life.

So Satan goes, one by one, taking, destroying, and killing everything Job has.

This is my favorite part though, not ONCE, not even ONCE, did Job turn away from God.

He even goes to say in Job 1:21, “And he [Job] said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.””

In the end, Job loses it all, but God blesses him with twice as much property, more beautiful children, and a long life!

How amazing! I pray everyday to have the strength to get through the day, but also thank the Lord for all he has blessed me with.

We are only a week away from Thanksgiving, and of course, it is time to remember what you are thankful for.

I’m thankful for those two precious months I spent with my baby boy. I’m thankful for having the peace of mind that the Lord just wanted my son to come be with him, and that I did the best I could as a mother. I’m thankful for my husband, my family, and all of my friends who are loyal and support me in all I do.

But most of all, I am thankful to God, for being my Rock and my Strength.